Friday, January 31, 2014

How long is your parental rope?

Today parenting almost got the best of me, it didn't knock me out but it most certainly knocked me down.

PARENTAL SCORE:       Me: 0     Parenting: 123,456,789

My 9 year old son got in trouble today, I don't mean a little trouble I mean suspended from school trouble. What did he do? He decided to get into a fight with another kid at school. Does he know better? He most certainly does yet here we are.

There is nothing more disappointing than a phone call from your child's school. First reaction is panic, you think OMG something happened to my kid is everything okay. Your second reaction is OMG what has my child done now.  Well it all went down something like this.

*Rang Rang*

School: "Ms. Robinson, your child got into a fight today and we need you to come and pick him up.

Me: *deep sigh* Okay, I will be there shortly. (Hangs up phone)

*Dials his Pappy - Rang Rang*

Me: Babe the school called, our son got into a fight and has to be picked up now.

Pappy: *Deep Sigh* What? What happened? *insert other parental questions you would normally ask*

Me: I didn't bother to ask for any details, just told the woman I would be there.

Pappy: I'm on my way. (Hangs phone up)

Today my son got the lecture of all lectures. We talk to him all the time, when I say all the time I mean all the time. He and his father have talks until he is blue in the face. Today I was just parentally exhausted. I felt drained and flat out defeated. How did we get here? Why are we here? Why doesn't my son just do what he knows is right. This isn't learned behavior so where is this coming from. My son is a black belt in martial arts and they teach him self discipline and self-control. We teach him self discipline and self-control. Where was his self-control?

Before I knew it I was just going OFF, not loud ghetto off because we don't do that. But stern, firm in your face going off on my son in front of his principal and other Administrators.

I told him that his parents are tired, we do all that we can for him but we are tired. We tell him and teach him what is right. His grandparents tell him and teach him what is right. His Aunt and Uncle teach him and tell him what is right. His teachers teach him and tell him what is right. He knows what is right yet we are here. He has two parents in his home and most of the kids in his school probably don't have that; I never had that. Not only does he have two parents in his home he has two very hands on parents. When the school calls we come, we are there for award banquets at 1 o'clock in the afternoon, we are there when something is going on. We are there when we need to be and just because. The parents and staff at his school know us because we are active parents. I told him that if he continues down this path nothing good will come from it. Boarding School, Juvenile Detention Centers and jail. Those are not options for him period. When they say it takes a village they were telling the truth Ruth, but his village is exhausted, as his parents we would never give up on him but this kind of behavior is not okay. I know some of this is just kid behavior and some of this is us reaping what we have sewn but either way this aint cool.

 Now don't get me wrong my son is smart, very smart and that's what pisses me off the most. At just 9 years old my son consistently tops the score charts with his testing, not just in his grade or school but also in the county and state. He is a quick learner and knows his stuff, he even skipped second grade and went to third. All amazing things! Those things mean NOTHING when you get a call to say your child is suspended.

He knows that there are consequences and repercussions for his actions from school, at home and at martial arts.  I know in my heart that we are awesome parents raising very smart, healthy and happy children. But when you have days like this sometimes you just need to reassure yourself.  I gave him a hug, kiss and told him I loved him. Then ate a huge bowl of ice cream and cuddled with his Pappy on the sofa.

Do you ever feel like you are at the end of your parental rope? What do you do to recover from this feeling?

14 comments:

  1. I haven't been there yet truly but I do fear doing everything right and still feeling like I have failed him when he does wrong. Sometimes when he has little tantrums in public or doesn't stay still when needed I feel at my end. It s frustrating when you don't seem to have the "control" you thought you had. Then others may tend to judge you for that.

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    1. This is so true, the control is gone. You can only hope they use the skills we've taught them.

      I also have a new 2 year old so I know all about the toddler struggle. I have to pick my battles with my little one. She knows how to push me to the edge, but it's easier for me to handle because I know all toddlers are wild little people.

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  2. Mama (all the mamas) this is all part of growing up! You guys are excellent parents and this does not take away from you. As children grow sometimes they will go to the left when they should go right... why?!! Who knows. They feel the need to experience?? To attempt to analyze the "why" will probably send you to the nut house. I've been where you are. Remember, we are never in "control" of these short, smart, independent-thinking individuals (because we are raising them this way - to be leaders). These things happen. I got creative with punishments! I needed a 500 word essay (grammatically correct) as to why you chose that path. Serious infractions required a 1,000 word essay. This gave them lots of time to think about their actions.

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    1. I'm so comforted in knowing that this is a "raising children thing" and not a me thing. To know that this is normal and at some point it will pass. Thank God! I can't even begin to imagine the blogs my mother could have wrote about me and look how amazing I turned out. hahahahha I most certainly will be getting more creative and outside the box with punishments. We have to our smart our kid. Thanks a bunch.

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  3. Oh, we've been there many times (our son is 10). We get especially frustrated because he is smart like your son, so it makes you that much angrier when they do something dumb. Right? It's definitely not just you, I think that this is typical kids being impulsive stuff.

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    1. Thanks Gina, I so wish these kids came with a handbook. lol It would save us all some stress. I'm sure there is a major lesson in here for us the parents too. Hope things get easier for you too.

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  4. I feel that way a lot of days with my strong willed one aka just like his momma. I feel yah! Hugs!

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    1. hahahaha its crazy that they do get some of this stuff honestly. Hugs to you too!

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  5. I feel like I am always at the end of my parental rope with my 8 year old son. He is at the age where his attitude and sarcasm on a good day has me flustered.

    I am trying the method of not spanking because I've noticed the same results. I think he is just trying his boundaries and I am about tired of it. When we have our good days I make sure to give him lots of praise and love on him because otherwise it would seem that all we are doing is butting heads.

    I'm not sure what I will do when he becomes a teen for real. I am just thankful that I have my husband in the home to set the standard early.

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    1. Girl, if his Dad wasn't in our home I would have lost it a long time ago. Sometimes I just step back an let dad run the show. We certainly have the sarcasm happening.

      Spanking isn't changing things for us either. I hope that having it out with him now will make the teenage years a little easier. *fingers crossed*

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  6. Nine is a really tough age for boys. They push and pull so much. You are doing the right things. Just keep talking, leading by example and just breathe. Love him harder on days like these and then give yourself a way to blow off steam (hot bath, glass of wine or long run). I wish there was more of a science to this whole parenting thing. Sometimes we just need to get through and pray.

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    1. My family is all girls, so I'm learning so much about boys. I certainly see this is a common theme with boys around his age. I can check of the this is normal box.

      Finding a way for both his Dad and I to blow of steam is great advice. Other wise we won't ever recharge for the next round.

      A lot of prayer for sure and prayer request. I know some day we will look back and this will be but a tiny spot in a much bigger picture. We just have to get through like you said.

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  7. You know I'm childless and you my opinion is not nearly as educated about this matter as it is for others. But as a totally objective third party I agree with a lot of the ladies. Balance. He's gonna test his boundaries any way he can and that will definitely test your nerves. Probably a lot. You keep your balance, forgive yourself (keep the faith and your balance) and remind him some boundaries aren't meant to be broken. Take a breath (regroup for round 123,456,790) and tell him he hit another boundary the next time he goes too far. Dunno - just my two tin pennies.

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